I love my friends. They help me more than they can ever know. Really.
I don't think I quite realized how just, well, starved for human contact I have been in the last few months as terrible as that sounds. My family goes through periods of just huggyness and physical contact and then... poof. Nothing. For months.And I let us do that, so it's really my own damn fault. But I forget sometimes how good even just hugs are.
New Years Resolution: Hugs in January/February.
Ugh. I hate these months. I just want .............................. I don't know. I want to move forward and I feel like while I'm waiting, sleeping, sleepwalking through school, like I'm slipping three steps back into who I was and where I've been. Which is stupid, but true.
I just really have a hard time finding good things about myself during these months. Everybody has them, some people get it during the holidays, but I've always been too excited and busy with crafts or gifts or friends to really let myself get there. So it comes in January and February instead. And talk about that human contact thing, it's one thing to have that and be interested in someone, but it's another thing entirely to know that you have absolutely no acceptable prospects of anything even remotely romantic until you graduate.
Crap. This wasn't supposed to turn into the whiny singles blog, but there you go, I've finally said it. I'm fucking lonely.
Well. Yes. So then the part of me that fixes things asks the lazy mopy part of me what I'm going to do about that. "Nothing." "Liar" "Am not" "Are too, you know you'll get interested in some idiot." "Well, yes, but you had better stop me. I don't like dating idiots." "True" "Yeah. So. Now we're back to this again." "Hmm. Yes. But at least you don't have to bother with prom." "Nope! Harry Potter World! Yeah! But that's May." "Oh. Right. Shit." "Yep."
Yep.
On the other hand, I have the most amazing friends I could ever ask for. I love nights like last night more than anything else in the whole world. Escaping from reality to just be with people you love. It's kind of funny how things worked out this year. I really feel like I've found my first real friends. And that's awful, I mean, you'd think I'd have made friends before, and I did, to an extent. But I didn't really know who I was before, so to find friends like this now, when I know who I am, that's special. That I value so much more than anything before.
This year is going to be fantastic and I am going to make so many fun things happen. I am going to grow so much no matter if I go to school in London or the U of O.
New Years Resolution: stay strong through January/February. Remind myself daily what I love, why I love it, and how to make things better.
I can't believe we just completed a decade. I mean, I still remember wearing the 2000 glasses in New York and playing with the sparklers on my street. Where did the last ten years go? "Time is the moving face of eternity" - Plato. I like that one. I picture time as a blur of color moving over our eyes, through us, around us. Everywhere, everyone, all together in time.
See? See?? This is what happens when I let myself blog on five hours of sleep.
New Years Resolution: Eat less pizza.
New Years Resolution: Find pizza places open after midnight in Eugene. Or, failing that, move somewhere where there is one.
